The Keffiyeh War – Satire
11 Sep 2009
“Due to the sensitive nature of this item, we will no longer offer it for sale. We apologize if we offended anyone, this was by no means our intention.” - Urban Outfitters CEO Dick Hayne, on the removal of ‘anti-war scarves’ from his stores.
Someone should tell Dick Heyne that it is impossible for a piece of cotton to have ‘sensitive nature.’ (How much does he get paid?) It is the Zionists who bombarded Dick Hayne, his board of directors and shareholders with photographs of Keffiyeh clad Hamas soldiers that have a ‘sensitive nature’.
Dick Hayne’s apology to the Zionist lobby groups (ADL and Stand With US) demonstrates that, like it or not, the Keffiyeh has been infused with some extraordinary powers. Its long career as an inanimate object has seen it morph from handy sun protecting head gear to global symbol of Palestinian resistance. The scarf shot to fame, however, shortly after 9/11 when CNN, BBC & Fox News started looping, real-time images of it wrapped around the throats of wild Mujahideen warriors fighting invisible GIs hiding in tanks. Still, the big-time beckoned. Finally the Keffiyeh was rescued from the bullet strewn war zones of the Middle East and plunged into the limelight of Hollywood, courtesy of movie stars, Cameron Diaz, Colin Farrell, footballer David Beckham and professional anorexic Nicole Richie.
This is when the scheiss really hit the ventilator. Suddenly all the kids wanted to strut about town in a Keffiyeh and the scarf secured a multi million dollar deal with fashion conglomerates Top Shop and Urban Outfitters. International success meant the Keffiyeh went commercial. It ‘sold out’, it re-branded itself into various unprecedented color combinations & disassociated itself from the Jihad warriors who modeled it back when it was nothing but a cotton wind break. Its future, as an established member of the accessory family, looked pretty secure. That was until the likes of Allyson Rowen Taylor, associate director of ‘Stand With Us’ started pressurizing stores and (in the much (miss) quoted words of Iran’s President) sought to have the Keffiyeh wiped off the high-street map.
‘It seems odd that something that has been so publicized as a scarf used by terrorists would be picked up as an anti-war scarf’ she told the Jerusalem Post. I don’t think it’s an innocent choice. It’s either pure ignorance or someone in the buying department with a political agenda against Israel and Jews.’
You may ask on earth has this humble piece of checkered cloth ever done to Allyson Rowen Taylor? If wearing it isn’t an ‘innocent choice’ then clearly it is a ‘guilty choice’. The wearer is guilty of reflecting back Israeli viciousness and igniting the subconscious minefield of Zionist guilt.
Is It Just a Scarf?
Unlike the Che Guevara T-shirt, popularized long after the Cold War had thawed; the Keffiyeh is quite clearly referencing a contemporary crusade. More importantly, while the Che T–shirt hinted at a generic revolutionary spirit, it was never actually worn by the revolutionaries themselves, just by undergraduates who understandably fancied having the divine Ernesto sprawled across their chest. Guevara never wore the Guevara T-shirt.
Yet, when it comes to the beloved Keffiyeh, Ahmadenijad; Arafat and Khaled Mishaal would seldom leave home without one. It is the scarf’s unique proximity to the Zionist’s ‘chart topping villains’ that infuses it with such lethal symbolism. After all, this is what Saddam often wore around his neck before the West replaced it with the hangman’s rope.
So far, this is all within the realms of comprehension. According to the Zios, the scarf is ideologically contaminated. If you wear it, you wake up a Mujahideen. However, when it is worn by someone as supremely vacuous as Latino ‘himbo’ Ricky Martin, the man who’s hits include ‘She Bangs’ & ‘Shake Your Bon-Bon’, the man who performed ‘Livin’ La Vida Loca’ at George Bush’s inauguration ball, it takes a prodigious leap of the imagination to conceive that he has suddenly converted into a committed member of the al-Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigade. Yet, before poor Ricky could fire his stylist, he was shaking his bon-bon to a different tune, apologizing publicly for not comprehending his own scarf (not only is it ‘sensitive’, it’s misunderstood!) and booking his first ever gigs in Israel.
Across America the ban of the Keffiyeh ensued. With typical English ambivalence, it disappeared briefly from the shelves of London and Manchester but recently made a come back; though I should add that the accessory formally known as the ‘hand woven anti-war scarf’ is now referred to exclusively as the ‘shemagh’. As a repost, Zionists in the US have started to manufacture T-shirts, baby grows & mugs with the words ‘I Love Israel’ written in Arabic but somehow, this hasn’t caught on. http://www.cafepress.com/jewlicious/2300123
The Keffiyeh is a magical scarf indeed. Banned in major outlets, it is re-emerging in market stalls across the US and Europe. Its victory on the high street signals the inevitable collapse of the neoconservative agenda. It symbolizes growing support for the 700,000 killed so far in this war and, like the Mujahideen soldiers who wear it, the more you fight it the more it wins.
Published on www.PalestineChronicle.com