I woke to find the 4 horseman of the apocalypse in my garden
demanding hay and reliable data on climate change

Always ready for an emergency, I provided both within 30 seconds
and even threw in a few reels of duct tape

‘Thanks for that’ said Evil, Famine, War and Pestilence
in accents I couldn’t locate
‘We’ll be on our way’

16 hoofs pulverized my aromatic mint plants
which,’til that point, had been flourishing impressively
given the recent cold snap

‘Please don’t go’ I said, the shock erupting in my belly
‘We are still young!’
Always ready for an emergency, I added ‘If Lewisham Council give me planning permission, I’m sure I could build you a stable’

They looked at me, understandably eager to procrastinate

‘Please’ I said
‘I can get all the hay in the world. Just hold your horses.’