The Horror Has Arrived
13 Sep 2009
It had to happen, for years
we saw it parked in the car parks of bowling alleys
flicking bubble gum at the blind.
We traced it in the palms of our pubescent ancestors
loving each other on the precipice of ocean liners
totally and utterly
oblivious. Alfred Hitchcock took the Horror to Vegas
and baptized it in the fountains of Bellagio
but that was before it stretched itself yawning and bored
across the runways of my metropolis
and gave birth to itself, yet again, in the depths of your softness
like a naughty peanut
What about the time
the Horror sued Joseph Conrad for misrepresentation?
Coppola was also implicated but got off lightly
claiming ‘you never know what fountains of anthrax lurk beneath a text’
the judge agreed he had a point
and the jury texted rumours to the paparazzi
that all turned out to be true, despite the fact they were fabricated.
‘The Horror Has Arrived’ it was reported. The counsel for defence
was a Siamese twin conjoined via an invisible husband to a legless ballerina.
They tried to operate but nothing could be done.
Nothing could be done to separate them
so they both wandered about in the shape of a question mark
hoping against hope that modern medicine might be able to liberate them
if only it were tested on pandas and dolphins instead of rodents.
The Dow Jones sunk with our hearts that day the compensation was dished out
Because the horror couldn’t be measured
they paid us in compasses, scales and telescopes
At one point they tried to relaunch it as a perfume
but the problem was, we could all smell it anyway
especially on Fridays when the Queen said ‘sorry’ in 86 languages
10 years ago I swear I spotted the Horror in your doorway
pretending to wait for a friend
He looked me straight in the eye
so I winked at him
because that’s what you taught me to do